Dish Dirt on Your Ex, See John Tucker For Free

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Posted July 26, 2006 by Ray Harkins

Avril and Deryckmay be basking in the glow of newlyweddoom (and good for them, did you see her super, ultra traditional gown? Her leap from sk8er grrrl to couture queen is suiting her rather nicely) but there’s been a rash of ugly celeb bust-ups lately. Lots of cheating, and greed, and he-said-she-said crap.

Admit it – you want every juicy detail when relationships, especially celeb relationships, go up in flames. I’m not ashamed to admit that I do… except for the Jen and Brad split. I her almost as much as shoes and will NEVER forgive that Brad or that Angelina for cheating, EVER. I’ve got a “Team Aniston” tee in every color.

And speaking of cheating, I can’t wait to see John Tucker Must Die! I’ll be there, giant tub of popcorn, bathtub-sized soda in hand, thank you very much, to see Brittany Snow (I her too and I miss American Dreams), Ashanti, Arielle Kebbel, and Sophia Bush (who’s bounced back pretty quickly from her recent split with hubby, Chad Michael Murray) kick Jesse Metcalfe’s butt for cheating. What’s even cooler is that Sophia’s character Beth is a vegan, animal rights activist so there’s bound to be all sorts of animal rights talk in the flick.

So now you really want to see it, right? It just so happens we’ve got a pair of tickets for whoever has the best breakup story – so get blabbing already. Here are a few stories from peta2 staff members to get you started:
“I met a boy once at a show and he told me that he was mostly vegetarian and would likely go vegan someday soon. After a few months of having to watch him devour flesh, I realized I had been duped into dating him, and I welcomed him to dumpsville.”
“When I was in high school I found out a boyfriend cheated on me right after Valentine’s Day. He’d given me a teddy bear as a gift and one day I was so fed up with his lies that I took the bear into the lunchroom and proceeded to rip it to shreds. When I was done, me and my girls walked over to where he was eating and I tossed the bear onto the table and kept walking. I think he knew then that it was over.”
“One of my girlfriends of 3 years broke up with me for a boy she met on the internet who plays Dungeons & Dragons and lives with his parents.”
“I dated a guy for 2 years and right after our 2 year anniversary we went ‘on a break.’ About a week later we went to lunch to ‘talk things over’ and I told him the break was more like a permanent thing and due to him being the biggest asshole I had ever met, I never wanted to talk to him again. A few days later, I got an e-mail from him saying that he was ‘so sorry to do this to me, but thought it best if we broke up.’

I responded with only a quote from an all time favorite movie, Waynes World:

Stacy: You know Wayne, if you’re not careful, you’re going to lose me.
Wayne Campbell: I lost you 2 months ago. We broke up. Are you mental? Get the net!?”
“I got dumped over AIM – a thoroughly modern way to get ditched, ‘my life is just so crazy’ he TYPED sitting at home at his computer in his underwear. I was heartbroken for exactly 13 minutes and then I realied that I’d had more interesting conversation with cats over the last few months. I wish I could say he was ‘just a pretty face’ but that was not so. He’s one of those boys you can tell just by looking at them he was snotty as a kid – so thanks for dumping me you’ll be really happy with that groupie who calls herself ‘Sugar’ and tells people she’s ‘so fucked up’ all the time, very alternative ain’t it. Anyway I’m skinny now and I have a date tomorrow night. needless to say, I had the last laugh.”

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