Every year millions of obnoxious/adorable little children dressed like ghosts, witches, Spiderman, and Barbie invade our country’s neighborhoods demanding sugar like it’s crack cocaine. For decades parents everywhere have been caught up in the paranoia that someone is going to slip a razorblade into their kids’ candy but there’s one thing that most don’t check for: bones. (Insert spooky sounding Halloween MIDI file here.)
Yes, it’s hard to believe, but a lot of candy out there contains animal bones, or as candy companies and their minions refer to it, “gelatin.” Gelatin is a protein obtained by boiling skin, tendons, ligaments, and/or bones with water. It usually comes from dead cows or pigs, and is found in many kinds of gummy bears and other “treats.”
This is possibly, as the title of this blog suggests, the most disgusting thing in history. Just think about it for a second… those candies are chewy because they’re made of skin and bones. Who wants to put that crap in their mouth? Fortunately there are a number of companies out there who have recognized that feeding people pig bones and cow ligaments is the stuff for horror films, and have switched to using only the vegan alternative known as agar agar. So if you’ve got a sugar fix, get yourself some Airheads taffy, Dots, Jolly Ranchers hard candy, or my personal favorite, Pez. Your mouth shouldn’t be a graveyard.
Oh, one last thing: Just because something says Kosher or Parve doesn’t mean that it isn’t made from animals. Kosher gelatin is usually made from a fish source. “P” or “Parve” means the product contains no meat or dairy products, but it may contain fish or eggs. Yuck.
Happy pagan holiday extravaganza 2k6!