The Vegan Breakup Survival Guide
So … you’ve just been dumped.
The important thing to remember is DON’T PANIC. You may be overwhelmed with feelings of self-doubt; perhaps you’re diving into your fifth pint of Turtle Mountain’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough while leaving hysterical messages on their voicemail that sound more like a wild mongoose than a civilized young lady or gentleman like yourself. However, do not forget—this is all NORMAL. Stop refreshing the ex’s Facebook page and lace up those knee-high boots for that house party up the street. Get back out there—nothing speeds up the healing process like that hot blonde from chemistry class!
Start seeing movies, go catch a game, get coffee with friends … as well as focus on losing those extra ten pounds of Chinese take-out. After all, the best revenge is living well—and that certainly doesn’t include deep-fried tofu.
However, eating healthy does not extend to your VEGAN BREAKUP FIRST AID KIT (for use in case of emergencies):
- Babe, Finding Nemo, and any other movie you haven’t watched since you were seven
- EO Nighty Nite Blue Chamomile & Lavender Bath Salts
- The Body Shop Aqua Eye Mask
- TAZO herbal teas
- Kettle Brand Krinkle Cut potato chips with sea salt
- Homemade Peanut Butter Cookies
- A sympathetic friend*, bribed with said cookies
*note: If you happen to be the sympathetic friend, arriving with your Vegan Breakup First Aid Kit in hand is def good karma.
I’ll leave you with this: when you’re ready to move on, an immediate attraction may make the world around you seem like an afterthought, but your old friends—not your new flame—are the people who really matter. Putting in time and love, they are there for you at your most distraught and most annoying. So, yes, share your excitement about the new romantic adventure you’re setting out on, but understand that even those who care the most about you may knife you in the night should you mention that cute mannerism they do one more time. Don’t take it personally— it is merely a stab of love. 😉