I asked my mom if she could help me find my grandfather, who I have not seen since I was a baby, because I would really like to get to know him. In the process of scouring the internet for him she came across my biological dad’s facebook page. I do not know my dad, he left when I was a baby and has a new wife and daughters in Florida. We started looking through his posts and i began crying when i saw things like “I love being a father” or “My daughters are my world.” And then we looked through his pictures, and it became worse. Pictures of birthday cakes, his daughters, his new wife, their beautiful house, a dog. Pictures of when he re-did his daughters bedrooms. There was even a picture of him in the hospital from a while back hooked up to all kinds of machinery. I never knew. My dad could have died and I would have never known. And to see his new family. . .every picture/post was a slap in the face because he has given them everything that he never cared enough to give me. I want to know my dad, and I want him to know me, but I know my mother doesn’t approve. I feel as if this is my decision, not hers, because he is my father. I have the right to know him, to speak to him, even if it’s just an email. I just don’t know what steps to take. I want him in my life, but I feel as if i need to make him proud of me, or else he’ll just slam the door in my face. I have no clue what to do, and any help would be appreciated.
I think you should get in contact with him *cause you are living with an unclosed case. Its good for you to close that chapter in your life to be able to move on from that topic. I*m quite sure you are nervious about it *cause you dont know what to expect but no matter what the result is you have to feel proud of yourself that you did it.
“The things that we are going to regret the most in life are the things that we didnt do”
I courage you to do it & wish you the best of luck, something positive will comes up from this in one way or another. *Hugs*
If you want to talk to him then go ahead, you need to make sure he understand who you are in the message you send and maybe some proof if you can so that he doesn’t think it’s some kind of joke. You can only ever try, if you don’t you might regret it for a long time and you never know what the result might be from it all. Take it slow and don’t expect too much or you might end up being crushed if it goes badly.
I’m sure your father thinks about you in the back of his mind, wondering how you grew up, if you’re still out there. If he truly loves being a father, he should not slam the door in your face when you reach out for communication. Obviously there were issues between your parents a long time ago that haven’t been discussed with you. I’d start with a short informative messege explaining who you are, your name, your situation (trying to contact your father) and if he can help. That’s all it took when my boyfriend found his relative online and their histories matched and they started to communicate. If he doesn’t want to communicate, he most likely won’t answer after a given timeframe (maybe a few months) and it’ll be your choice whether to try again or maybe find some solid proof to email him confirming you are his or to move on. Just remember not to be combative towards him in your emails or you might risk never having a solid contact with him or possibly causing issues with his current family. We are all human beings who are largely imperfect, this applies to parents as well.
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