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by Patricia Trostle
The votes are all in and counted, and boy, there were a ton of them! And lots of write-in votes too! You guys have really been working the fashion-police beat. We love that we can always count on you to help us call out the few heartless celebs who continue to shamelessly parade around draped in death. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, the Fugliest Fur Hag is …
Aretha Franklin!
Aretha Franklin
How 'bout some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for animals? Aretha, when you waddled into the Grammys in yet another vulgar fur, you looked as if you were going to perform "I Am the Walrus" by The Beatles. You may be a queen, but you don't know jack about compassion.
Eva Longoria
Eva Longoria is short on compassion. In her trashy furs, she looks like the street walker of Wisteria Lane. Eva is one "desperate housewife" who needs a quickie divorce—from her stylist.
Lindsay Lohan
I Know Who Killed Me isn't just the title of Lindsay Lohan's last bomb—it's also the cry of the animals snuffed out so that this "mean girl" can pose in their pelts. Lindsay, there's no road to recovery for the foxes who were anally electrocuted so that you can look skanky.
Kate Moss
Nothing completes the transition from supermodel to super-tramp like a fur coat. If Kate could see clearly through those bleary eyes, maybe she'd clear her closet of those furs.
And since leather is really just furless skin, for the first time in Fugliest history, we're calling out some celeb offenders who are rarely seen in anything other than hideous leather pants or toting around gigantic designer bags made from crocodiles or pythons.
Marilyn Manson
Always draped in leather from head to toe, Manson has enough skeletons in his closet to fill a pet cemetery. As if wearing dead animals isn't foul enough, Manson says that he wears his cow-skin pants 24/7, only peeling the smelly things off to have sex. That alone should be enough to tarnish leather's dated sex appeal. Manson may just be the shock-rocker's stage name, but his wardrobe is a real-life tale of blood and guts.
Kylie Minogue
What does Kylie Minogue have in common with her python purse? They are both cold-blooded. Come on, Kylie—it's not cool to clutch onto an accessory made by nailing snakes to trees and skinning them alive.
Oh, that was great fun! A big thank-you to everyone out there who voted. And if you didn't vote, here's your chance to speak up, you know, just to get your two cents' worth.
Who gets your vote for "Fugliest Fur Hag" or "Cruelest Dressed Celeb"?
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