There is no better month than December. Finals are over, school is out, and the holidays are around the corner, which means presents! When I was younger, the only things I would ever ask my parents for during the holidays were vegan turkey and all the latest video games. There was nothing better than waking up late on a Monday and playing some Legend of Zelda in my underwear while eating all the vegan snackage!
Well, just for you this holiday season, PETA Claus is giving you SIX GAMES for FREE! Check out these animal-friendly video games that will have you glued to your computer for hours:
Super Chick Sisters
In this rockin’ Mario parody, Princess Pamela Anderson is snatched away by the evil Ronald McDonald in an effort to add her to his Unhappy Meals. At McDonald’s suppliers’ slaughterhouses, chickens have their throats slit and they are dropped into tanks of scalding-hot water—often while they are still conscious. Dafuq?! Luckily, the Super Chick Sisters, Nugget and Chickette, are able to fill in for Mario and Luigi to save the princess and the chickens from McDonald’s!
Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals
Just in time for the holidays, Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals takes you into the kitchen of one cruel cook as she prepares a rotting turkey carcass for Thanksgiving. On factory farms, turkeys have the ends of their sensitive beaks cut off with a hot blade and are kept in extremely crowded spaces. When Mama learns that turkeys are smart animals with personality and character, she chooses to love them, not eat them, and she prepares a delicious vegan holiday feast instead! YUM!
Super Tofu Boy
Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s Super Tofu Boy! Sexy, thin, and strong, Super Tofu Boy is here to fight off the rotting Meat Boy and save the beautiful Bandage Girl. After a short-lived fling with Meat Boy, Bandage Girl decided to leave the heart attack– and obesity-inducing Meat Boy for the healthy and tasty Tofu Boy. Bandage Girl was shocked to learn that animals slaughtered for meat are hung upside down by their ankles and hacked apart for their decaying flesh.
Mario Kills Tanooki
When on a mission to rescue the princess, Mario has been known to use any means necessary to defeat his enemy—even wearing the skin of a raccoon dog to give him special powers. In this game, the Tanooki fight to get their skin back from the fur-wearing plumber. Tanooki may be just a “suit” in Mario games, but in real life, tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur.
What happens when MMA badasses Jake Shields, Aaron Simpson, and Georgi Karakhanyan find a secret underground animal testing ring where animals are being abused for cruel and unnecessary experiments? They kick some virtual ass, of course! Take control of one of these animal-loving heroes and save the animals from these cruel tests!
Pokemon Red, White & Blue: An Unofficial PETA Parody
PETA helped Pokémon liberate themselves from their trainers in Pokémon: Black & Blue, but giant corporations are still exploiting Pokémon for sinister purposes. Are Pokémon profits earned at the expense of animals’ well-being? Join PETA as we help Pikachu and his Pokémon friends journey to America to unravel a conspiracy that affects us all!