Written by Phil and Matt Letten, the cofounders of Vegan Bros. WARNING: Explicit language.
One day, a man named Charlie was walking down the street when he noticed that dogs were being unloaded from a truck and taken into a slaughterhouse.
He walked inside and then stopped dead in his tracks and watched as the dogs were hoisted up by their hind legs and had their throats cut while they were still conscious.
After seeing this, Charlie approached the slaughterhouse owner and asked where he could buy the dog meat. You see, Charlie is a real man because he eats dog meat.
That sounds f*cking insane, doesn’t it?!
Listen up, men: It’s time for us to stop hiding behind our phony, pathetic, totally obnoxious, and—dare we say—insecure machismo for five minutes and have a real conversation.
We’ve evolved so much as a culture. And yet, as men, some of us still feel some kind of weird need to lower ourselves and appear as uncaring, bloodthirsty assholes who take pride in the idea that simply stabbing a piece of a dead animal with our forks and shoveling it into our mouths makes us tough.
On factory farms, egg-laying hens are confined to cages so small they can barely move and piglets have their testicles ripped out without painkillers. And in slaughterhouses, many animals have their throats cut while they’re still conscious.
Is it manly to pay a person to do that stuff to animals? It sounds pretty f*cking pathetic, cowardly, and stupid if you ask us.
There’s a better way. And you’ll be a better man for it.
Marketing propaganda pushed by meat industry giants is designed to make them money. That’s why they sell the lie that meat is the only way to get protein. They’re insulting our intelligence.
Let’s get this straight: Protein is a macronutrient, just like carbohydrates and fat, that can come from many different foods. Animal sacrifice isn’t required in order for us to get our protein. The days of believing that myth are over.
“Oh, but it’s so much harder to get enough protein if you don’t eat meat.” LOL—F*cking bullsh*t. Just look at these vegan dudes: UFC world champion Mac Danzig, NFL player David Carter, Germany’s “Strongest Man” Patrik Baboumian—the list goes on and on.
Plant-based sources of protein include beans, nuts, seeds, tempeh, tofu, quinoa, and veggies such as spinach, kale, and broccoli. Easy. Yummy. Protein-rich. Done deal.
We get it: Meat industry propaganda has kept you from realizing that burgers and steaks are actually the food of wimps. But we know that you’re not a wimp.
The great news is that now, we’re all over it. What the meat industry–manufactured “real men” bullsh*t has really done is lied to, manipulated, and misled us.
So men, let’s rise up and assert our manliness by putting down the knife, using our brains, and extending our f*cking circle of compassion. If society wants to continue gender-role associations, let’s at least give it a better, more accurate idea of what a real man is:
- Real men take a stand.
- Real men are leaders, not followers.
- Real men step in when they see a helpless individual treated cruelly and unjustly.
- Real men have minds of their own, and they aren’t swayed by marketing propaganda.
- Real men understand and, therefore, make empathy and compassion a cornerstone of who they are.
It’s time for us to put those hamburgers down and eat some f*cking tofu like real men.
About the authors: Phil and Matt Letten are the cofounders of Vegan Bros, a movement dedicated to raising up an army of fit, sexy vegan soldiers to spread the delicious, cruelty-free gospel of peace and compassion to a lost and dying world.
The Vegan Bros have been featured in hundreds of mainstream media outlets all across the U.S., founded three fitness facilities, helped more than 3,000 people work toward their fitness goals, and completed nine nationwide tours on behalf of the country’s foremost animal-protection organizations.
To learn more about how you can become a fit, sexy vegan soldier, download their free e-book.
Want more info about how you can get buff? Check out our Plant-Based Power Guide to Hitting the Gym!