Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich

Profile photo of Ryan-H

Posted July 9, 2008 by Ryan Huling

Hopefully some of my fellow South Park fans catch the reference from the title. :)

Sure, there are lots of cruel people in the world, many of whom are doing tests on animals. Today though, we’re bringing you an epic match-up, between two of the biggest jerks around. The game will be to vote for which you think is a bigger jerk!

Ready? Here we go:

Nickname: “Giant Douche”
Real Name: Michael Weed
School: Johns Hopkins University
Interests: Alcohol, cocaine, and ecstasy – and forcing monkeys to use all of the above. In one test, Weed infected monkeys with the monkey equivalent of HIV, and then forced them to perform basic motor tasks… while on cocaine (you know, just to see what happens).

douche.jpg

Visual approximation, compliments of looptvandfilm / CC

Nickname: “Turd Sandwich”
Real Name: Gordon Ewy (pronounced by me – “Eeeeewwwww-y”)
School: University of Arizona
Interests: Saving pigs – after nearly killing them (and sometimes succeeding). He starts by letting the pigs’ hearts sit at a standstill for 8 minutes or more, before trying to resuscitate them. The success of the test is measured by how many pigs survive, and among those how many retain full brain function.

Sounds to me like it’s not the pigs that need their brains checked.

turd.jpg

Visual approximation, compliments of looptvandfilm / CC

We aren’t making this stuff up, folks. So without further ado, who do you think is the bigger jerk? Cast your votes by commenting below!

Ryan!

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  • 1501 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Pour mes prochaines vacances, je prévoie d’aller en France. J’opterai pour une location courte durée à la place de l’hôtel. Beaucoup moins cher et plus pratique !

  • 2143 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    they both suck

  • 2431 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    there both jerks

  • 2433 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Oh yeah, here is the link:
    http://www.cafepress.com/turdordouche08

  • 2433 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Cafepress has some giant douche and turd sandwich shirts and bumpers stickers and stuff. Pretty funny. I think I will wear one of the t-shirts and buttons to a local political event :)

  • 2486 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Seriously, who would be such a dick to do this stuff?
    I mean, go to a psychiatrist or something, those animals don’t want to deal with your “methods.”
    Tough call, but I’m going to have to go with the Turd Sandwich dude..

  • 2487 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Giant Douche is worse cause he is an animal tester AND a druggie. Hes just combineded his two passions into one. Jerk.

  • cc

    2487 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    ewy and weed? sound like fake names to me (to keep there real identities hidden, so we can’t kill them) Ewy would be the one, because pis are so cool, and that is so cruel

  • 2487 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Tough call.
    Giant Douche.

  • 2487 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    I personally think they are both equally horrible but if I really had to choose… I’d say the Turd Sammich.

  • 2489 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    We already knwo that weed is safe and that the other shit is dangerous! Good Goddess…. I’d have to go with Giant Douche as the jerktastic-iest. XD

  • 2489 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Both. Cant decide, lets just set the pigs and monkeys of the world on them and whichever is least recocnisable after death is worst.

  • 2490 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    hey, i just realised somthing. cant we petition the universitys to not allow these or similar tests to be done on animals and the punishment for them being done is to have the student kicked out of the class or somthing? even have local peta members protest outside the universitys?

  • 2490 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    what the f***?? why is this legal?! DUH, drugs are bad, and DUH, the heart is necessary to live normally… im gonna have to go with giant douche but theyre both horrible. and why does he test on monkeys when theres plenty of human statistics that show drugs are bad?! thats not even science, thats a couple dumba**es who want their names in lights regardless of how they get there…

  • 2490 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Giant Douche

  • Amy

    2490 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    they’re both equally as bad, and there is no excuse for any of this, why not do this on humans? because its illegal, and should be to do to animals aswell.

  • 2490 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    They’re both a$$holes!!
    But I think Michael Weed is worse, we all know drugs are dangerous, do we really need anymore evidence to support this?

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    They are both jerks in my book!

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    The giant Douche is the biggest jerk.

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Umm so even though i think both of them are sooper dooper meany jerks, Giant Douche is a bigger jerk

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Personally, I give them both top marks for being jerks….What kind of monsters think it’s okay to do that. It makes me sick just reading it. How can anyone think it’s remotely okay, acceptable or necessary to test or abuse animals.

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    is it possible to say both are beyond cruel and HARDCORE JERKS!! its hard to choose due to the fact that they’re both horrid. i say the DOUCHE and TURD need to get lives and leave the animals they torture/kill live peaceful lives of their own.

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    They’re both big buttheads, it’s hard to choose which one is worse =p

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    They are both jerks. Testing on animals is wrong always..

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    WHAT THE HELL? Turd Sandwich is an even bigger jerk than Douche Bag, if that’s possible…

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    The Giant Douche is worse, but they both deserve the same fate as their animals.
    Id like to know ewy’s brain function after h.i.s heart stops for 8 minutes

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    They both suck but I’m voting for Giant Douche

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    They both suck but I’m voting for Giant Douche

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    I don’t want to choose, they are both very horrible. But, if I had to, I would go with Gordon “Turd Sandwich” Ewy. It’s just horrible.

  • 2491 days ago

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]

    0

    Can’t we have a button to pick both? I think they both qualify as being complete losers, don’t you?

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