Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich
Hopefully some of my fellow South Park fans catch the reference from the title.
Sure, there are lots of cruel people in the world, many of whom are doing tests on animals. Today though, we’re bringing you an epic match-up, between two of the biggest jerks around. The game will be to vote for which you think is a bigger jerk!
Ready? Here we go:
Nickname: “Giant Douche”
Real Name: Michael Weed
School: Johns Hopkins University
Interests: Alcohol, cocaine, and ecstasy – and forcing monkeys to use all of the above. In one test, Weed infected monkeys with the monkey equivalent of HIV, and then forced them to perform basic motor tasks… while on cocaine (you know, just to see what happens).
Real Name: Gordon Ewy (pronounced by me – “Eeeeewwwww-y”)
School: University of Arizona
Interests: Saving pigs – after nearly killing them (and sometimes succeeding). He starts by letting the pigs’ hearts sit at a standstill for 8 minutes or more, before trying to resuscitate them. The success of the test is measured by how many pigs survive, and among those how many retain full brain function.
Sounds to me like it’s not the pigs that need their brains checked.