Dear Vegan Cupcake:
My boyfriend of three months not only eats meat in front of me but he makes fun of me for being vegan. Please help! I really like this guy!
—In Need of a Vegan Boyfriend
Dear In Need of a Vegan Boyfriend (<– for realz!):
M’kay, I know this situation all too well. I have had my fair share of omnivorous bfs who have given me shit about lovin’ tofu.
Here are some tips to deal with the situation:
- First of all, get that boy some breath mints. If he’s going to eat meat in front of you, the least he can do is de-stankify his corpsey breath and maybe even brush his teeth after meals (pre-smoochie action).
- Does he have companion animals? Try to explain to him that factory farm animals are no different from his cats and/or dogs because they are capable of feeling pain and suffering, too. Also, feel free to drop some knowledge about pigs being smarter than dogs and as smart as 3-year-old children.
- A way to a boy’s heart is through his stomach. Try cooking him some fun vegan meals so he can get a taste of vegan cuisine. Even a simple pasta (with veggie meatballs and loads of veggies) or stir fry ought to do the trick. Wanna kick it up a notch? Bake him some vegan cupcakes!
- He needs to learn to respect your boundaries if he wants to continue bein’ yo’ man. You need to communicate this to him. I’d personally say something like, “Look fool, if you don’t completely agree with my amazing, healthy, Earth-friendly, tasty-ass, animal-saving vegan diet, that’s ok, I guess, but you need to not make fun or harass me about it. This is an important decision for me and you best be r-e-s-p-e-c-t-ing that shiz.” (feel free to re-phrase) If he’s not feeling you on this, I’m sorry to say but he is not boyfriend material.
Dump that schlump! There are plenty of yummy vegan boys in the world—go snag one!
If y’all have any questions or need advice on anything vegan or animal rights related, comment below and perhaps I’ll be answering your question next time.