Today I fired off the following strongly worded letter. I encourage each of you to do the same.
Summy Birchard, Inc.
15800 NW 48th Avenue
Miami, FL 33014
To Whom It May Concern,
After much searching on an internet search engine I frequent called “google,” I was able to determine that your incorporation (I think that’s a word) owns the rights to the famed American ditty known as “Happy Birthday to You.” I’m writing to you today to express my concerns about the prejudice and malice said ditty promotes.
Now, I’m not sure if you’ve ever met a monkey, but I have, and they’re actually pretty darn awesome! What they are NOT … smelly. The second verse of your song goes something like, “You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too.” I think it would be the responsible thing to do to change this verse to, I don’t know maybe, “You look like a junkie, and you smell like one too!” No one likes junkies, so you’d have that sassy wit thing going for you without offending the monkeys of the world.
I anxiously await your reply.