I’m here to discuss a hot-button topic: sausage. What is it? Where does it come from? Why does it look like that??? All good questions. So, if we’re talking about sausage derived from deprived animals, the answers to these questions will really gross you out …

These answers: Sausage can be a blend of all kinds of animals, such as cows, pigs, lambs—you don’t really know who you’re eating.

All you can be sure of is that you’re eating the ground-up and mushed-together flesh of individuals who, if you met in person, you’d pet their heads and say, “Aww, hi! You’re so cute and nice! I love you! OMG, he’s licking my hand! HAHAHAHA.”

If you eat sausage, you’re eating their tortured bodies stuffed into a casing that’s commonly made from their intestines—and sometimes collagen derived from cow and pig hides. Almost 50 percent of sausage is made from processed left-over parts, including blood, guts, organs, and head meat (like ears and snouts). Please excuse me while I go throw up.

OK, I’m back. Listen, my wish for you is that you get to enjoy the sweet, savory flavor of sausage without putting vile products into your body and killing animals. And thanks to cool vegan companies, my wish has come true. This calls for a sauselebration!

Meet your new breakfast buddies:

Amy’s Meatless Veggie Sausages

Beyond Sausage

Field Roast Apple Maple Breakfast Sausage

Field Roast Frankfurters

Field Roast Italian Sausage

Field Roast Smoked Apple Sage Sausage

Field Roast Vegan Mexican Chipotle Sausage

Gardein Breakfast Patties

Lightlife Gimme Lean Breakfast Patties

Morning Star Sausage and Grain Breakfast Patties

Sol Cuisine Veggie Breakfast Patties

Tofurky Andouille Artisan Sausage

Tofurky Beer Brats

Tofurky Breakfast Links

Tofurky Italian Sausage

Tofurky Kielbasa

Tofurky Spinach Pesto Artisan Sausage

Trader Joe’s Soy Chorizo

Yves Veggie Breakfast Links

Yves Veggie Breakfast Patties

There! Now, you have no excuse to eat sausage made from animals, because that would be disgusting of you. ❤ Vegan sausage tastes delish and doesn’t cause animals to suffer and be killed. A win for everyone! Weiner weiner, vegan sausage deiner—some might say.

Now get out there and sauseize the day!

And if you prefer bacon, we’ve got a list for that, too.